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assisting in the realization of civil and social rights
The silence that hurts: Why is it difficult for children to talk about their experiences of sexual abuse or exploitation?
30.12.2025
Sexual violence and sexual exploitation of children is one of the most difficult topics that no parent wants to think about. It seems that this is happening somewhere far away, with someone else, in dysfunctional families or in terrible news. But the truth is that such stories can happen very close by - quietly, unnoticeably, behind closed doors. And the scariest thing about them is that a child can be silent for years. Childish silence is not consent or weakness. It's a cry for help that we adults don't always know how to hear. Silence hurts, destroys, poisons a child's life from the inside. It does not disappear by itself, but can accompany a person throughout his life, affecting his self-esteem, relationships, trust in the world and his own body. It is important to understand the main thing: if a child is silent, it means that he has good reasons. And our task as parents is not to blame or rush, but to try to see and understand these reasons.
The Five Main Reasons why Children are Silent
Fear is the most powerful and paralyzing.
Fear is the first and most common reason for silence. A child can be intimidated directly: "If you tell, it will be worse," "I will harm you or your loved ones," "No one will believe you anyway." Sometimes fear is created not by words, but by the situation itself. The rapist may be older, stronger, or a respected adult-a relative, a family friend, a teacher, or a coach. The child feels small and helpless. It seems to him that an adult is in control of everything, which means it's pointless to resist and talk. It happens that the fear is so strong that the child literally "freezes" - first at the moment of violence, and then for many years, when the opportunity to tell seems to be there, but inside everything is shackling.
Shame and guilt
Even the youngest children often begin to believe that what happened was "their fault.": "It's my own fault," "I did something wrong," "There's something wrong with me." The shame can be unbearable, especially if the violence involves intimate touching. It seems to the child that he has become "bad", "dirty", "spoiled". He is afraid that his parents will be angry, disappointed, and reject him. It is important to remember that shame is not proof of guilt, but a consequence of trauma. But the child does not know about this and remains alone with this feeling.
Distrust of adults
Many children remain silent because they do not believe that adults will be able or willing to protect them. Sometimes it's related to past experiences.:
- the child was no longer listened to;
- his fears were devalued;
- they said, "Don't make it up," "It seemed to you," "You're too sensitive."
If a loved one has committed violence, trust is destroyed even more. The child sees that this adult is loved, respected, and protected. And he has a terrible question: "If I tell you, will my parents take my side?"
The child does not understand what happened to him.
This is especially true for younger children. They may not realize that something unacceptable has happened. The rapist may call what is happening a "game," a "secret," or "special attention." If the family has never talked about personal boundaries and security, the child simply does not have enough words to describe what happened. He feels anxiety, fear, discomfort, pain, but does not understand that this is violence and that it is possible and necessary to talk about it.
Fear of consequences
The child may be afraid that after the story:
- the family will collapse;
- parents will quarrel;
- someone will end up in jail;
"he'll be questioned endlessly.";
- life will become even harder.
Sometimes children are silent because they are trying to "protect" their parents from pain. They think the truth is too scary, and adults can't handle it.
It's important to know!
All the examples of phrases given in this article in quotation marks in italics - "If you tell me, it will be worse", "I will harm you or your loved ones", "No one will believe you" and so on in the text of the article - these are not fictional words! These are real phrases spoken by children who have experienced sexual abuse or sexual exploitation. These words were heard by the specialists of the Businesswomen's Club Public Association, who have been providing assistance to children and their families who have faced violence for more than 20 years. There is a real children's story behind each such phrase. A story of fear, pain, loneliness, and long silence.
If you notice disturbing changes in the child's behavior, if you have doubts, fears or questions about his safety, it is important not to be left alone with this. The help of specialists can be a crucial step.
Call the hotline. Experts will listen, help you understand the situation and suggest what actions will help protect the child and restore a sense of security, and with it, begin the path to recovery.
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