"What kind of violence is this, we're just having a quarrel and going our separate ways."

Domestic violence is an extremely delicate, even intimate topic. We live in a fairly "communal" society, where the criterion of "what people will say" is still in use. It is not customary to talk openly about family problems.

Weak attempts to sort out an ambiguous family situation are hampered by the threat of the "dysfunctional family" label. "What kind of violence is this, we just had an argument and made up." The consequences are always difficult to deal with, but it is possible to get involved in advisory work and receive help at the first "signs" of a problematic situation in the family. We have studied the most typical cases of domestic violence, which, incidentally, includes not only direct physical abuse. There are other types as well — psychological (insults, humiliation, threats, isolation), sexual (when a person cannot refuse or resist sexual actions), financial (prohibition on employment or education, extortion, total control over all family resources). We want to focus on variations of psychological violence, in which often only the tip of the oppressive iceberg is visible. Situations can last for years, developing and subsiding, giving a false sense of the threat having passed. Below are real stories of people and their experiences. Please note that none of the examples can be classified as domestic violence in the generally accepted sense. And many people pass by similar situations every day.

I could "write a book" about how a man can strategically destroy his wife's self-respect down to the ground. I'm glad he hasn't switched to the child yet, now that I realize that verbal abuse might not have happened. In the past few days, I've realized how often I resorted to violence in the ten years of living with my wife. It hurts me to realize how deeply I hurt her all those years. — V. O.

This is about the verbal type of violence, the most harmless in appearance and незаметном. Verbal abuse is the most common variety in human relationships.

I'm cooking dinner. Right before it's time to eat, he leaves out the door — doesn't say a word to me, and I have no idea when he'll be back. I could have had plans for the evening. If I later ask him why he didn't talk to me and tell me about his plans so I could make plans for myself, he replies, "Stop complaining, if I told you I wanted to leave, you'd want me to stay." — G. K.

Control over time, forcing the victim to neglect their plans. Reasonable attempts to discuss or agree on time threaten to deprive control and, naturally, provoke aggression.

He constantly followed me from one room to another, continuing to scream. He isolated me from relatives and friends, constantly looking for flaws in them, and mocked me if I met with them.

Another type of violence is control over personal space, invasion of privacy, demanding detailed reports of one's actions, opening mail, and deprivation of free time.

The above are seemingly innocent symptoms, but when the line is crossed, it will be too late.

It is known that there are diseases that are easier to prevent than to treat. Domestic violence is a similar affliction. Pay close attention to conflict situations that may be happening around you. Perhaps someone who appears to be coping well actually needs help—psychological, legal, or medical. This help can be obtained absolutely free of charge by contacting the Public Association "Club of Business Women" in Brest. The organization provides comprehensive services to women within the framework of the project "Support for the socio-economic rights of women in Brest who find themselves in difficult situations through enhancing the potential of the PA 'Club of Business Women'. Any resident of Brest can request help, advice, consultation, or assistance in overcoming a deadlock. Perhaps among your relatives or acquaintances there are people who need such help. Tell them about us; we can provide social and psychological support in overcoming difficulties and offer legal assistance.

Contact phone numbers: +375 29 645 75 94 (Velcom) +375 29 797 44 80 (MTS) +375 25 703 50 23 (Life)